Showing posts with label Reincarnation stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reincarnation stories. Show all posts

Sunday, November 4, 2018

Journeys of a Psychic: Past Life Reading for Han Storm

Past Life Reading for Han Storm

1 September 2018 -
Comment in https://www.facebook.com/groups/TarotAppreciation/

Given that I remember my Past Lives due to my near death experiences, I did a layout on the lifetime as Han Storm of which I had written 14 books.
As usual, the cards do not lie and the reading was spot on.

1. Personality of past life
VI Lovers
This was a bit of a surprise as I see myself different in that lifetime, as the Hierophant or the Magi. But analysing this card, it is actually a better description than my own interpretation.
Lovers. Han Storm had many lovers and loved ones, and if he did not love his people he would not have been able to do for them what he did.
Thus Lovers is a good analysis of his overall personality.

2. Physical attributes
8 of Coins
Successful Master of his Talents used for endless adventure while being absolutely responsible in his actions.
Absolutely spot on. Not an easy lifetime, but one used to assist others with the talents I cultivated to enhance their lives.

3. Spiritual attributes
Knight of Coins
Useful, reliable, patient, persistent, tenacious and totally loyal to my planet and people. Caution and Courage led mostly to evolution and the avoidance of revolution within our own fold. Physical preservation was the goal although spiritual advancement was enforced.

4. Overall life
King of Coins
Wow. This describes it to a 't'. Almost everything was handled as a business transaction with a rigid outlook on end results. Although conservative, I was well organized, confident and hard-working, inspiring others by example.
A loyal friend, wise counsellor, reliable partner.
Yes. A unique life as a leader.

5. Birth
XI Strength
Power, Determination, Tenacity, Courage
Most people will never know why and how they became to be incarnated until they pass back into Spirit.
This is my story. I was chosen for a specialized mission to assist a planet's people, much like now on Earth. In order to do so, I needed a specialized body, which was born from my mother Annayeke in that lifetime. A highly revered Psychic birthing a Psychic with specialized skills.
In order to allow me to experience what I needed to do, she gave me away soon after birth, thus I grew up in foster care before returning to her when an adult. It was a decision both of us made before the incarnation, yet left some nasty scars due to being human. We understand what had to be done and it took immense Strength from both of us.

6. Childhood
7 of Swords
Surrounded by different people all the time, I survived, persevering by keeping the goal of my life in sight, even though I only knew at the time that I needed to grow up and had to tolerate situations. This was achieved by 'becoming invisible' until I hit around 10 and everything changed.

7. Adolescence
King of Cups
Coming into some of my psychic powers, I quit the foster system and found a place on my own. Through art, lucrative gambling and pretence of parents, I made my own way through school, eventually deciding to do something good with my life. It was a good time, a bit lonely as I did not tend to make friends to stay under the radar, but the first time I had some stability in my life.

8. Adulthood
III Empress
Fertility, Success, Harmony, Sensuality
Ah, and here we find The Lovers again.
This was a really long lifetime. With four children from three different mothers, I guess I was a good lover. I still miss my partners and my children. Although one is here with me in spirit.
Back to the card and not reminiscing on times gone by. The Empress represents that in Adulthood I was able to bring abundance to my people.

9. Death
3 of Coins
With my Mastery proven to the World, I wished not to be involved any longer and was banished into Crio-sleep imprisonment. Not that I minded too much as I was so tired of living at the end that I just wanted peace.
But peace was short-lived as I found myself (spirit) captured in another body, on another planet, soon learning to love that place and wishing to sever my bonds with my old body.
This did come in time and I was able to move on, to have a new opportunity at a new venture in a place unknown to me. So very exciting to start over, somewhere else.

10. Lesson learned #1
2 of Swords
Growth through Conflict. As two swords need to be grinded together to sharpen, just so does underlying conflict educate as all sides of an issue are being revealed. Friendship and reconciliation with old enemies were needed to achieve the goals of this lifetime.
Lesson learnt - do not burn your bridges, not in this lifetime for you might need someone again in a next lifetime.

11. Lesson learned #2
Ace of Swords
Triumph through Strength and Determination. One never stops advancing. One never stops learning, weather you wish to or not. Soul-growth is inevitable.

12. Life purpose for that lifetime
XVI Tower
"The Casting out of a place of comfort." So true as I shook the people of my world's beliefs to their core. Then we engaged in bringing sanity into a chaotic world, causing constant upheaval as we opened new worlds and moved our people there.
I was indeed a bringer of shock, revolution, loss and uncertainty, not only to my own people but the people of other worlds as well.
All turned out good in the end, mostly for everyone involved.

13. How past life affects current relationships
Page of Swords
Lots of Swords in this reading. Lot of conflicts in that lifetime, so let us stick to current relationships in this lifetime.
People who wish to know the Secrets of the Universe tend to cautiously 'follow' me in this lifetime or read the books already published. Not much is openly discussed and many times individuals do not wish anyone to know they have visited or have business with me in this lifetime. It is their choice and I respect their privacy.
My husband and children know who I truly am and know about many of my past life incarnations. I have a small inner circle of people also aware of many of these lives and where they, personally, fit in them as many who had been with me in other lives showed up in this lifetime.
Mostly we all just stand amazed at the synchronicity of it all, as well as what others remember of their lives lived alongside mine.

14. How past life affect current aspirations
Page of Cups
As most children are open and accepting to learn, I'm here to reveal what I had experienced and people may learn and grow through my experiences. I'm doing what I came here to do.

15. Current life purpose
5 of Wands
Fulfilment in my Soul-Career. Doing what I had come here to do. It has been done. It has been completed and everything people now get is an absolute bonus. This body should have perished but was prevented from dying due to the wish of free willed children. Thus I am still bringing Hope and Healing on all levels to this world.

Time tells the best stories and we will see how all of this pans out.

You can read excerpts from my books on my website www.chroniclesofhan.com


Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Journeys of a Psychic - Avatars - How new souls are created


How new souls are created
Long version in context from some of my own experiences

How new souls are created

Unedited excerpt from The Chronicles of Han - Negotiating Limïer

"What is a Puppet, you asked?" I moved back to the subject they wished to know about.

They shuffled into more comfortable positions not to miss a word, as if I was going to tell a campfire story and they were mere Clans' children eagerly anticipating some excitement and adventure.

I held back not to laugh, launching into the story instead. "A Puppet Body is a body that had been created by a Source Creator or Puppet Master for its own use.
In some areas these Source Creators or Puppet Masters are called Overselves because they own and operate more than one Avatar or Puppet at a time."

"Then is Han Storm such a Puppet for you have spoken about your Overself before, the entity you refer to as Hanuman?" Black interrupted, the typical investigative interrogator.

He had a valid point. I did refer to MySelf, to Hanuman, as an Overself from time to time.

"I agree. I do sometimes refer to my Soul-Spirit as an Overself. I think it is more for other people to be able to understand where I have my vibrations," and to know where I am as an individual, I added for myself.

They looked confused and I sighed, running my hands through my curly hair. At least it was catching up again in the growing department and there was actually something to run my fingers through.

"As with your eyes!" Aquil cheered up. "Today they are your original dark purple, making you human, one of us, and the Han Storm we know."

"And when you are intermediate with lighter, lilac eyes, you are more your Soul-Spirit and not Han Storm, your created Creata Personality," Kin-Allan elaborated.

"But when you get mean and your eyes become a pastel purple with a metallic glint, we all know Hanuman has descended and is walking in our midst," Black concluded with a nastiness about his words I was not familiar with. "Yet, this does not make you a Puppet Master or an actual Overself. It merely reflects where you, as an individual, have your vibrations."

"Or it actually indicates that this body of Han Storm is indeed just a Puppet Body as well, or do I have it all wrong?" Kin-Allan wanted to know.

"It might be that Han has the potential to become a Puppet Master at a later stage, but right now I do not think so for his Soul is contained in this singular body," Aquil voiced his opinion.

They watched me, waiting for an explanation.

"If you have to say it like this, then I guess I have different tiers and must be a 'Puppet' for the Creator. As it is, I do see myself as an individual Soul-Spirit with my Soul currently occupying this body of Han Storm. It is not as if I have my Soul somewhere else with only my Spirit-Consciousness contained in this body. If I was only a Puppet for my Overself, I am not sure that I could have become a Navigator."

Black held up a hand. "Okay! I understand where YOU are coming from and how YOU currently work. It still does not answer me regarding Puppet Bodies. So get back onto the subject."

I glared at him. He changed the subject, not me!

"Well? Are you going to continue with your explanation?" Black pushed.

"Only if you listen and keep your questions for afterwards!" I retorted, suddenly annoyed and the threatening headache starting to pulse between my eyebrows.

Putting the tips of my fingers on the area, I gently massaged in an upwards motion, channelling some Source Energy into it until the pain toned down, the area becoming comfortable.

"I will keep my questions for afterwards. You may continue," Black confirmed in a softer voice, his temper well kept under control.

"Let me explain it this way. Every body is a Puppet or Avatar for a Soul-Spirit. It is a piece of flesh to be operated and cared for as the specialized equipment it is. It was made to house Souls to be able to experience this third dimensional environment consisting of matter, which is light brought down in frequency to become visible and what we perceive as solid."

Aquil opened his mouth to ask something but I held up my hand, pushing on. "The first tier of incarnation is One-on-One. One Soul-Spirit to One Body or Avatar. You are housed in this body for the duration of the body's life term. When the body perishes, who you truly are is released to go home to the Higher Worlds or to consider occupying another body.

Then you get a One-on-One Remotely operated Avatar. Still One Soul Operator with One Puppet Body or Avatar. Just here, the Soul is not housed in the body but stays contained in the Higher Worlds, remotely running this Avatar. This ensures that the Soul does not receive all the negative emotional flow-back you experience when housed in the body itself. The impact on the Soul is less, but the body, as perceived as the Planet Identity, seems and feels remote or emotionally removed from others.

In some cases these 'Puppets' have mentioned that they feel 'lacking' in themselves, especially if they are not aware that their Souls are not housed within the body."

I sighed, taking a short break, feeling my body's vibrations automatically increasing when talking about Universal subjects.
"As far as I know, true Puppet Masters or Overselves are Ascended Masters who have grown too large in their Soul-Spirit forms to be able to comfortably fit into a single body, therefore the necessity to either run Puppet Bodies from a distance, or to separate some of their Spirit-Consciousness to fit into several bodies at the same time for whatever reason they wish to do so or need to do so."

Black held up a hand to stop me. I sat back, giving him the opportunity to speak, although I have asked not to be interrupted.
The deep frown on his forehead spoke for itself.
"Okay. Let me just see if I am following this correctly," he stated, standing up, taking one of the empty mugs.
"This is me. My body. Single incarnation. I am the coffee and the mug is my body." He poured cold coffee from the pot into the mug.
"Me, One-on-One incarnation. Individual Soul-Spirit entity incarnated into a physical life experience, correct?" He paused, looking at us for confirmation.
I nodded in agreement.
"Next. I take this mug, it is empty, so I put in a bit of coffee from the pot in there. Now we pretend, this is a Remote Incarnation. Spirit in the mug, Soul in the Pot?"
"Yes."
"Okay. Got that one. Next, we make the pot Lumox, a character you have confirmed is an Overself." He poured the coffee back into the pot so we could start with the next scenario.
"I fill three cups halfway with coffee. One is Jade, one is Doc G and one is Skye. There, now we have an Overself and three Puppet Bodies."
He sat back down, eyeing this scenario, somewhat concerned. "So one Overself can have multiple experiences through his own bodies, at the same time?"
"Yes," I confirmed again.
Black stretched back in his seat, making a noiseless 'oh'.

"Then this Lumox made sure his energy was surrounding you as often as he . . . it could?" Kin-Allan summarised.
"He. He is definitely a male energy," I corrected Kin-Allan.
"With female bodies, for whatever reason," Kin-Allan emphasized.
"You love Jade. You talk of Jade as a separate individual. How does this work when I see this in front of me?" Black wished to know, swiping his hand in the direction of the mugs.

"Usually an Overself will create the bodies as just that, bodies to be used to store part of its consciousness to do what it must for whatever reason it must or wishes to do," I replied to the question. "It is when it needs to do more than just have a body survive that it might then split itself and its own consciousness into smaller sizes to accomplish what it wishes to and gives its Puppets personalities.
As with any Puppet Master, they might quickly become attached to certain Puppets, in this regard a certain energy. Then they may wish to put in more time and effort into a specific Puppet's creation, growth and development, eventually making it a favourite plaything or Avatar to incarnate into.
They now have created a Puppet or Avatar Personality that they can re-use and store when not in use in a particular incarnation."

"Nope! Do not get it. Show me," Black responded, hinting with his eyes at the mugs.
I sighed. I had no idea we were going to play this game.
I looked around, spotting the glass on the sink Kin-Allan had used earlier.
Fetching it I brought it back to the table.
"Jade," I stated, taking one of the mugs, emptying the coffee into the glass. "Jade's body perished, but Lumox did not want to make her part of him. He wishes to use her again in other incarnations at a later stage, thus he stores her within his own Soul-Spirit until needed."
I placed the glass inside the pot.
"And Doc G?" Black insisted.
"I do not know. I assume that if Lumox liked him too, he would be stored similarly as I have seen in a vision as Jade is. If not," I picked up the second mug and emptied the contents back into the pot where it mixed with the original lot.
"If not, then the Puppet spirit becomes one with the Master, and the experiences gained is mixed into the lot for future use." I sat down, allowing this information to settle.

"Okay. Then when Lumox wants to use Jade again, he whips the part out that is Jade," Black removed the glass from the pot, decanting the contents back into a mug, "and creates a new Puppet body containing the Jade energy. Do I understand this correctly?"
"Yes."
"Then Jade has another incarnation and grows as this Puppet Avatar, not knowing that she is a Puppet and returns to Lumox where he stores her again, this time with a bit more experiences." Black poured a bit more coffee directly from the pot into the mug before decanting the Jade representing coffee back into the glass and putting the glass back into the pot.
"Then what happens when Jade's glass becomes too full?" Aquil asked, seeing where Black was heading.
"I guess then Lumox will have two choices," I stated. "One is to make her part of him again, or to let her go to become a fully free Soul-Spirit on her own."

"That sounds nice. How does he get to do this? As far as I know only Creators may create new Souls," Black stated and I started to suspect that he knew more about this subject than I did.
I had another look at him. Was he trying to get me to face this Jade reality by allowing me to deal objectively with it?
"We would wish your thoughts on the subject, Han," Kin-Allan placed my attention back to where it should be.

"Only Creators can become Puppet Masters or Overselves, as far as I know," I confirmed. "If they wish to allow a Puppet Personality to become a full new Soul-Spirit they would have to sacrifice a piece of their own Souls so that the Spirit may become a Soul-Spirit, a new Soul."
"Then it is possible for your Jade to become a fully free-willed individual, a Soul-Spirit in her own right?" Black asked, at last revealing his true intentions.
"Yes. If Lumox decides to let her go," I confirmed.
"That would indeed be a great day to behold," Kin-Allan told me.

"I am glad of this possibility, but what I want to know is how do we know who is a Puppet, or is it not necessary for us to know this?" Aquil asked.
"I do not think it is relevant or necessary for us to know who is a Puppet body or not. It should not influence our emotions towards that person," I stated my opinion. "In recognising that someone may be a Puppet is to observe that sometimes such a person is not 'present'. They go through the motions of life, but you can see that what makes them, them, is not always there."
"You are describing yourself. Are you sure you are not a Puppet too?" Aquil sighed.

"Not necessarily," I countered. "It is just an observation indicating that the person may have other functions to attend to. I have found that with Jade, as well as Doc G, that there were times where they were not aware of what happened to them or what they did.
At these times Lumox took total control of their bodies and did whatever he needed or wanted to do. When the Puppet Personality was returned to the body, and Lumox had pulled back, neither had recollection of what had happened, creating trepidation in them, as individual Puppets."
"You witnessed these 'absent' episodes yourself?" Black asked, intrigued and a bit unsettled.
"Yes, I was unfortunate enough to have experienced Lumox' direct attention to me through his Puppet Bodies . . . "

They listened. They did not seem to understand.
I scanned their thoughts.
Black was wondering how anyone could cope with 'running' more than one body at any time.
Kin-Allan was stuck at whether or not Jade and Doc G had pieces of Lumox' soul, had gone back into 'storage' or whether or not Doc G had become part of the collective consciousness of Lumox.
Aquil was not sure if anybody could actually tell if someone was a Puppet Personality or not.
"I know. It is a complicated subject with many variants. Only a true psychic could tell if a person belonged to an Overself or is part of a Puppet-line.
I guess that, as with any skilled Puppeteer, it takes training and experience to play different personalities while removed from each other."
"How can anyone live more than one life at a time?" Black wished to know.
"I do not know. As I stated, it is an advanced option of Being a Soul. I am sure not every single Soul would advance to this stage of growing so huge within themselves that they can no longer be contained in a single body."
They stared at me, making me uncomfortable.
"You do not seem to always fit in that body, especially not when you become Navigator!" Aquil blurted.
"At other times, especially when you are depleted, there are not enough of You to fill it either," Kin-Allan gave his opinion.
"Hmm," Black hummed. "Opposing opinions. Both accurate and true. One more question from me, at least.
How did you find out that Jade, Doc G, and Skye are Puppets of Lumox?"
Interrogation. Something he had wished to ask a long time ago.

"They have the same Soul-Signature," I replied confidently.
"Makes sense, especially because you can see the energies." Black seemed content with this sure and honest reply.
"I have heard talk in the Clan that some families all have this same 'Soul-Signature' as Han states. Does this mean that the whole family are Puppets of the same Overself?" Aquil wanted to know.
"I have also heard about Group-Consciousnesses. I think the Elders had called colonies such as wasps, bees and ants by this name," Kin-Allan stated.
"Yes, and yes. Looking at flocks of birds and fish and ants and so on, I am sure even in the animal kingdoms there are Overselves.
As to the people seeming to have a Group-Consciousness, it might be that a family is from the same Overself. It would make perfect sense, especially if the Overself is still in training. It should be easier to 'run' several bodies in the same environment than when they are separated by physical distance."
"I do not care," Black stated adamantly. "I am an individual. I intend staying this way. Sharing myself between several other bodies, I really think not!"

Copyright © 2009-2018 H Gibson Chronicles of Han unedited excerpt from Negotiating Limïer
More information and to purchase books at www.chroniclesofhan.com

Sunday, October 28, 2018

Q&A - How does it feel being reunited with past life memories while in human form?


Remembering Past Lives while in Human form


It was asked how it felt being re-united with my past lives within human form? How can one cope with this? What does it feel like to remember all that I do?

The easy answer is: That is what I, as an individual Soul-Spirit do. It is one of my functions and I was originally created to be able to cope with having 'total recall'.

As this reply is extremely private, I've only revealed it on my website blogs.

Link here to read further






















Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Journeys of a Psychic: What happens on Encha stays on Encha. But did it?


Journeys of a Psychic: The Emotional Impact of writing about Past Lives

What happens on Encha stays on Encha. But did it?


" *I do not wish to retain these memories, these feelings within my being. It will surely torture me, driving me insane with regret and heartache and self blame. With what could have been.
I will forever go over the events of today, trying to see if there could have been a different way of doing it. A different way of destroying that Thing, without harming her.*
- We are acutely aware of this. That is why The Creator has given us this opportunity. What happened on Encha, should stay on Encha -
*Until I have the courage to face it again.*
- Until then - "




Excerpt: Chronicles of Han Storm: Taming Encha, Book 3:
      Frank ordered his men to stand their ground, but the thing with the grey-blue scales and lizard-like features was already strangling the life from my beloved.
      Before I could discern what I was doing, fury overtook me and my body was engulfed within blue flames as I gathered the Source Energy within sight of all who surrounded me, accumulating it into a huge, twirling ball in front of me.
      My gaze fell upon Ariel.
      Her eyes were glazing over, life draining from her as the monster stole her life-force.
      *Do it!* she screamed hysterically into my mind, the agony of her demise ripping through my own body, as if a Grox had hold of her. Yet I knew this was no Grox.
      I slammed the ball of energy into them, allowing it to disintegrate flesh and spirit into a miniature nuclear eruption without any adverse effects to those surrounding it.
      The physical was evaporated. The spiritual had been shattered back into pure energy, returning to become part of the Creator once more.
      A miniature crater of scorched earth was all that remained.
      Lowering my quivering arms, I closed my eyes not to physically behold the destruction that had been created within the super nova of energy particles.
      I realized all too painfully that Ariel was gone with the Rogue Lord, extinguished from existence by a single blast of Pure Source Energy.
      My body sagged to its knees . . .

      I stood apart from it, watching it emotionally falling apart as gun-shots rang out and the other cannibals were executed mercilessly on the spot.
      My features contained no emotion whatsoever.
      Panam gently pushed my body over into a reclining position, asking it questions it was not responding to.
      Alis tried to revive it, but it slipped into a comatose state.   
      "*Come, Han*" Duek gently herded my spirit to a light portal that was on hand to transport me to the waiting Reclamation Hall in the Higher Worlds of Encha.
      Duek released me into the care of my Light Guardian. He would stay with my body, hiding it from the other Lizards, the Rogues that will hopefully now become active because of one of their own being slain.

      I lay myself down on a bed provided within a new hospital wing Hulo had insisted be created within the Higher Worlds of Encha.
      Lord Grox was not on hand for the reclamation as was promised and I felt deceived.
      Sorrow, numbness, anaesthesia surrounded my spirit, as if it was saturated with events and could not soak up even one more emotion.
      Becoming aware of a huge Light Being at my feet, I knew I recognised this entity from somewhere.
      It presented itself in the outline of a Light Angel. It did not talk, or use telepathy, yet I understood it.
      It needed me to go with it before the reclamation started. All those involved were not yet present. They had been sent for but as I am aware of, it was tricky travelling through the Universal Communication Systems if one was not authorised.
      My Guardian pulled me up from the bed, surrounding me in its warm comfort, guiding me along passages that had not seen use in a very long time.
      We came to an ancient looking section, where doors were still solidly built and had padlocks for locks.
      In my numbed state, I did not become aware of any other entities hovering around and presumed that this area was totally abandoned.
      It looked very well preserved though.
      My Guardian stopped in front of one of these solid ancient doors. It was unlocked and the energy key had been left within the padlock. I knew that these locks could only be opened by the Key bearer and that there was only a single key to every door. If the key should go missing, no-one, not even the owner would ever be able to enter that locked room.
      Pushing the door open, my Guardian entered with me still enfolded in its embrace.
      A trunk, representing an energetic vault, stood in the middle of this room.
      - Here you are to place that which you do not wish to retain - my Light Guardian informed me.
      *Must I place the actual memories in there, or only the emotional turmoil?* I wanted to know from it.
      - Whichever you do not wish to retain -
      It released me in front of the trunk. I watched as it opened the heavy looking lid before taking a position behind the trunk, waiting for me to do whatever I wished.
      *Is this part of the reclamation?* I wanted to know.
      - No, it is for you, a gift from The Creator -
      *Would I be able to reclaim at a later stage that which I put in here?*
      - Of course. Whatever you place in here will automatically dissolve from the original recordings. Not even your Cosmic Recording will contain any of this which is held captive within this mausoleum. When you are ready to become all of yourself again, you will be guided back here, to reclaim that which is rightfully yours. And your Cosmic Recordings will become fully restored -
      Logic returned to my numbed spirit for a few seconds.
      *Why was Ariel so different, so absolutely special?* I asked my Guardian that seemed to know a lot more about things than it had ever revealed to me. Now that I could communicate with it, I was taking this one chance I currently had.
      - She was your Soul Mate, created to perfectly balance your opposing nature, rendering harmony within your soul -
      *And I had destroyed her. Made her one with The Creator again.*
      - Sometimes you have to sacrifice a part of yourself to render great service to The Creator-
      *I do not wish to retain these memories, these feelings within my being. It will surely torture me, driving me insane with regret and heartache and self blame. With what could have been.
      I will forever go over the events of today, trying to see if there could have been a different way of doing it. A different way of destroying that Thing, without harming her.*
      - We are acutely aware of this. That is why The Creator has given us this opportunity. What happened on Encha, should stay on Encha -
      *Until I have the courage to face it again.*
      - Until then -

- End of Excerpt -


Exclusive Excerpt: Chronicles of Han Storm: Last Book
(Journeys of a Psychic: The Emotional Impact of writing about Past Lives)
23 April 2011 Saturday 12h31pm
      Yesterday, Friday 22nd. Easter Friday. Holiday. Did almost nothing. Not feeling like going on, yet knowing will have to sometime. Ignored all prompts from the Universe to continue. Just want to stay in limbo for a bit.
      Woke up with stomach ache this morning. Thoroughly unhappy  because of it. Cannot even enjoy food any more. At least chocolate and coffee still do it for me. But not always. Body in bit of a pickle because of lack of magnesium in muscles. But then, not been out of the house for a while, stagnating in 'sleeping' very long stretches again. Not that it is something I advise people to do. It is just that there are other things that need my attention elsewhere.
      Anyway. Just upset this morning for not able to eat as I used to, not able to sleep. Not able to rest. Being constantly tired and irritated and knowing that it is not from here but my Cosmic Self that has become cynical in its seeing of the physical world, for nothing has changed within my lifespan since the creation of Creation.
      People are still people. They still want the bad with the good and the wonderful without having to take up the responsibility it brings.
      Nothing has changed. It just moves from universe to universe and you start all over again within the same teachings, the same principles, the same type of adventures. Good vs Evil. Good wins, Evil wins. What is new? Destroy, build up from the destruction. Live in peace for a few 100 years. Get bored. Go bad, destroy, build up again. Same old, same old.
      Totally ridiculous. Anyway. Just my viewpoint. Must remember that there are very young Soul-Spirits that also wish to endure, live and let live.
      And therefore they need the chance to have physical worlds that have these opportunities available. It is not my life that is precious here. It is the lives around me. My children, my husband that sees everything as miracles, that stands amazed at the simplistic complexities of everything that makes up physical life.
      Yet when I look at it. It is all the same. It comes from the same place. It goes back to the same place. Physical, spiritual, ethereal. All the same to me.
      Cynical [believing the worst of others, esp. that all acts are selfish]. Correct word to use. All is in the end only for the emotional gathering of the Self, is it not?

14h15pm: Made love to hubby. Quiet. Peaceful, Unattached.
      I am told that I should just go back to that part of Encha. Just do it, get it over with. Go within myself, disappear for a while and bring back the memories onto paper from so long ago.
      Trick is. The door is still locked and I am afraid that if I should open it, the gushing would be too intense to handle upon this plane of existence.
      I am told that I will actually be okay with it. That I should not worry, that I should just open the door and allow the memories the release from my heart they have been waiting for so long.
      Interesting thought that our emotions, our memories, our troubles sometimes long for release from us. For us to allow them to go in peace and forgiveness.
      So I stand in front of the door which holds the box to Encha's darkest memories. I turn the key, waiting for my husband to first bring me my coffee before I will advance inside to open the elusive box I have finally found within this locked room.

21h37pm: Advancing slowly, picking out the oldest memories within sequence, one at a time. Not advancing too fast for comfort, knowing that what is still to come is all very complex memories of good intermingled with bad, with evil, with still not comprehending after all the chronological 'time' after these happenings.
      Take it easy, allowing only one memory at a time to surface, to show itself, to be written for this World I now reside upon and within.
      Frequent breaks between work. Lots of coffee. Lots of sugar. I feel sick to my stomach, yet this body want food, but the Soul-Spirit does not.

22h39pm: I remember now, as I dig around, one frame of information at a time. The soldiers had a saying. What happens on Encha, stays on Encha. You did not take Encha home. You left her at the portal, carrying on with your life when you leave.
      I remember me and Ariel. I remember why Encha is so deeply buried. Was so undeniably locked up. It is because I lost my soul-mate on that planet. And not just in the physical sense of the word.
      Because of the Rogue Lizard, she was destroyed completely. He was vanquished.  Both were obliterated back into the base element of aether where one's soul became one again with The Creator.
      In the instant before death, I now know that she did it for me. She protected me, trying to keep me under the radar of the Lizard.

24April2011 Sunday 00h21am: No bed for me just yet. More memories being released, all started with one small trigger. I am crying again as the little details are being presented to me. How to give this out to this world? How so much heartache can be carried by one single being?
      The tears spill over my cheeks, gushing into my neck, collecting into my clothes. I take a handkerchief and weep into it, not loud enough for my husband to hear. Not loud enough for my children to wake up.
      Just a release of all the heartache that had been stashed within a dark, dank box.
      My husband stated that I am busy with a difficult bit, otherwise I would have been typing. Confirmed this. He will know when he reads this part of my previous life. I know now why I have hidden it so well, even from me, the grief is still shallow, digging through to this current life I am living at the moment.
      It is probably time to let this go as well. It is time to release and unveil that which had stayed behind on Encha. That which was never talked about, never mentioned once you left that place, locked up in a strong-box and hidden in a locked room so that you do not ever have to return to it.
      But now I have been ordered to and it is too hard to bear. My heart wants to break all anew, for that one single entity is part of everything now. No longer an individual. And it was not her choice. She did it for me. And I destroyed her. I destroyed her completely. How can one ever forgive oneself for that atrocity? How?
      I know that it was the only way.
      I have never revealed my feelings to anyone before. Not in the lifetime of Han Storm anyway. No-one ever discussed Encha after we've opened her up and destroyed the Lizards. No-one ever asked what happened that day.
      We all kept quiet, too afraid and too emotionally depleted to bring that negativity to the fore.
      And now I am paying for it. Hundreds of Thousands of years after the incident. I am paying for it. My family is paying for it, because I become not myself. I become someone else and I do not know if I am strong enough within this body to handle it.
      Feeling empty and depleted. Warn out by the responsibility to bring my lives to this World.
      Limbo.
      Protecting myself from the emotional overload.
      Limbo.
      I want to sleep, but sleep will bring only more detailed memories . . .
Ω

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